WEB
SITE TERMS OF USE
Wow! You
actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and made us
use a precious button on our home page to get you here. At first, we
thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a
Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We took the legalese the
lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So be a smart
nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from
hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty people, like
prosecutors.
Here's the
deal:
We run this
site so that people like you (and people you like) can use it for
personal entertainment, information, education, communication, and
cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can
even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal
use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other
notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And
don't even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing,
re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including
the text, images, audio, and video, for public or commercial purposes
unless we give you written permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit
our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck with] the terms
and conditions listed below and any other law or regulation that
applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los Angeles,
CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem
with that, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are
bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the
scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out on our site:
1.
For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on the site is
copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff except
how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without
our written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll
give you permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers
are likely to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2.
While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we're not promising
you it's accurate. In fact, we're not promising you anything except fun
and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're using it at
your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume no
liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3.
We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver the site
are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In
particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes
"direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages
arising out of your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting
the foregoing, everything on the site is provided to you 'AS IS'
WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING,
BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS
FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note
that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of implied
warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to you. Check
your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the
exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from the
mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure
out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here's
the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing around and
the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty
viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't call
us.
4.
If you don't want the world to know something, don't post in on the
site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because anything
you disclose to us is ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything
we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it,
transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We
can even send it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not
only that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques
you post any way we want to, including, developing, manufacturing and
marketing products or other stuff using the information you post.
5.
Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our property
or someone else's property we're using with their permission. No matter
what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends
can't use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on
the site. And guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky,
because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart,
keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6.
There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on the site
that either we own or we're using with someone else's permission. So
don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because
you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them
alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our
site, we'll probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the
other trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're likely
to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for messing around
with our property or the property of others.
7.
You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots of others. While
that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those sites, much less
checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't blame us
if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or
your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your
risk.
8.
That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occasionally
listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion
groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume
no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes,
defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity,
pornography, or profanity you might encounter when you visit such
places on our site. And don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any
unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous,
inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or any
material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal offense,
get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate any
law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we
have no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement
authorities or court which might ask us who might have posted nasty
stuff on our site.
9.
Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of
patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send the
software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya,
North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States has
embargoed goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury
Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce
Department's Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet
Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough
enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places,
you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it!
10.
We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on the site
any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we have the
programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound
by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
11.
If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to
“sue” (a dirty word) then we have to follow these
rules of engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva Convention):
This
Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of Florida, without
regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent
you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate
AffiliateCollegeOfKnowledge.comand/or its affiliates' intellectual
property rights, AffiliateCollegeOfKnowledge.comand/or its affiliates
may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state
or federal court in the State of Florida, and you consent to exclusive
jurisdiction and venue in such courts.
Any other
disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute
arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to resolve it with
the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the following location:
Veira. Any costs and fees other than attorney fees associated with the
mediation will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves
impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution through
mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding arbitration at the
following location: Veira, under the rules of the American Arbitration
Association. Judgment upon the award rendered by the arbitration may be
entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all
sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the
lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human
torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they
look disappointed!
April 10, 2009
AffiliateCollegeOfKnowledge.com
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